There are so many reasons why I love coffee dates with friends. The great thing about a coffee date is that it can happen at any location.
At your home, with kids and moms around, it usually entails warming up the morning brew, yoga pants on, ponytails high, and kids jumping on the basement couch.
Oh, but coffee can also be hip and trendy, at a cute downtown shop, where you wear your boots, bring your decent purse, and re-apply lipstick. And coffee there isn't homebrew, it is fair-trade, organic, freshly brewed, and has a fancy name with a posh price.
And being Canadian, meeting a friend at Tim Horton's, (or Tim's, or Timmy's as it is affectionately referred to) falls somewhere in the middle. You can rush there to catch up with a friend after work. Meeting for a playdate at the park usually involves the special brown papercup and a small box of Tim Bits.
I have met friends for coffee for years, decades in fact. It is my favorite thing to do. It can be 30 minutes to several hours, and there is nothing more comforting than the location, the warmth of the refreshment and the rejuvenation it brings to me, physically and emotionally.
What's your favorite place to grab a coffee?
Who is your favorite coffee date?
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Missing mom
No matter our age, I think we all need mom. My mom has been gone for a decade, which for me at this stage, that is pretty much a lifetime. In a decade, I have had three children, a new home, and a new career. I can barely remember my life before kids, so to think that my mother has been gone longer than that, well is sucks the air out of me.
I am not going to write a post about how wonderful she was and how idyllic my life would be if she were here. She was wonderful and life would be better.... but since you didn't know my mom, you would probably imagine I was being romantic in my memories.
The tough part, is that she was an exceptional mom and woman, and, I am nothing like her. That is not to say I am not a good mom and good woman. We all have our positive traits, and I have a few if I must admit ;) BUT, I am nothing like her. While she was patient, kind, caring, and well spoken, I tend to be less patient, slightly outspoken, bold and at times abrasive. I would LOVE to be more like her, but I am wired differently and it takes such effort and prayer to watch my tongue.
Among a thousand reasons, I miss her because I'd love advice with childrearing, her assurances of what I am doing, her bond with my kids and the occasional free babysitting. (it would make me more balanced, so I am not being totally selfish, right?)
We coerced my dad to come to the family cottage last weekend, which is very difficult for him. He stared going to the cottage when he and my mom were dating, at the age of 17. They dated during highshcool, remained a couple for the start of university and were married at 22. They had 41 years together, and that many summers at the cottage. To say the cottage is filled with memories and touches of my mom is an understatement. On the porch, I sat watching the kids and my dad. They just want to hang out with him, do whatever he was doing, talk and play. He wanted to cross things off his to-do list. My dad has a different relationship with the kids. My mom would have been present, interested and loving. My dad, well, he is good for 30 minutes or so, then he isn't really sure what to do. When he and his wife have the kids for a sleepover (about twice a year) the weekend is filled to the brim with activities. I think it keeps the pressure to a minimum, if the kids are entertained, less time and energy need to be spent on building a relationship. ouch. that hurts to say about my dad, but I think it's the truth.
I can't have my mom, but I do have great memories of her and she is a part of me. She was the best example, and if I could be half as good as she was, my kids will be blessed.
I am not going to write a post about how wonderful she was and how idyllic my life would be if she were here. She was wonderful and life would be better.... but since you didn't know my mom, you would probably imagine I was being romantic in my memories.
The tough part, is that she was an exceptional mom and woman, and, I am nothing like her. That is not to say I am not a good mom and good woman. We all have our positive traits, and I have a few if I must admit ;) BUT, I am nothing like her. While she was patient, kind, caring, and well spoken, I tend to be less patient, slightly outspoken, bold and at times abrasive. I would LOVE to be more like her, but I am wired differently and it takes such effort and prayer to watch my tongue.
Among a thousand reasons, I miss her because I'd love advice with childrearing, her assurances of what I am doing, her bond with my kids and the occasional free babysitting. (it would make me more balanced, so I am not being totally selfish, right?)
We coerced my dad to come to the family cottage last weekend, which is very difficult for him. He stared going to the cottage when he and my mom were dating, at the age of 17. They dated during highshcool, remained a couple for the start of university and were married at 22. They had 41 years together, and that many summers at the cottage. To say the cottage is filled with memories and touches of my mom is an understatement. On the porch, I sat watching the kids and my dad. They just want to hang out with him, do whatever he was doing, talk and play. He wanted to cross things off his to-do list. My dad has a different relationship with the kids. My mom would have been present, interested and loving. My dad, well, he is good for 30 minutes or so, then he isn't really sure what to do. When he and his wife have the kids for a sleepover (about twice a year) the weekend is filled to the brim with activities. I think it keeps the pressure to a minimum, if the kids are entertained, less time and energy need to be spent on building a relationship. ouch. that hurts to say about my dad, but I think it's the truth.
I can't have my mom, but I do have great memories of her and she is a part of me. She was the best example, and if I could be half as good as she was, my kids will be blessed.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Ignited again
Three hours was the total time of my escape getaway today.
Hubby's aunt came to watch the kids for a few hours so I could meet a church staffer for coffee. Our church happens to do the BEST Children's Ministry in town (or very likely this part of Ontario, maybe even ALL of Ontario!) She is the Children's ministry director and I have been a volunteer in one of the children's environments since we started. I love what we do, and I feel grateful for what we offer kids (and parents) every Sunday morning. BUT, I got burnt out. Once I was at church it was fine, but some Sunday mornings on my way to church, (with my three monkeys fighting in the back seat), I was thinking WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING? I am a mom of three, and I teach kids full-time, so by Sunday I am a bit 'done' with kids.
Maybe it's time for you to evaluate what your time is spent on, and think about how passionate you are about it. Has your pep waned at all? Maybe you need to talk to an ironfriend. Is she noticing your change in attitude? Fresh eyes can shed lots of great insight.
I am blessed to know this staffer very well, and she knows my personality and my strengths. Luckily she is a super creative person, and I think she created this position just for me :) Finding this volunteer role that I am excited about and that I think suits my abilities, really invigorates me and gives me a boost. It's amazing how one conversation, and one re-direction can re-ignite enthousiasm.
Hubby's aunt came to watch the kids for a few hours so I could meet a church staffer for coffee. Our church happens to do the BEST Children's Ministry in town (or very likely this part of Ontario, maybe even ALL of Ontario!) She is the Children's ministry director and I have been a volunteer in one of the children's environments since we started. I love what we do, and I feel grateful for what we offer kids (and parents) every Sunday morning. BUT, I got burnt out. Once I was at church it was fine, but some Sunday mornings on my way to church, (with my three monkeys fighting in the back seat), I was thinking WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING? I am a mom of three, and I teach kids full-time, so by Sunday I am a bit 'done' with kids.
Maybe it's time for you to evaluate what your time is spent on, and think about how passionate you are about it. Has your pep waned at all? Maybe you need to talk to an ironfriend. Is she noticing your change in attitude? Fresh eyes can shed lots of great insight.
I am blessed to know this staffer very well, and she knows my personality and my strengths. Luckily she is a super creative person, and I think she created this position just for me :) Finding this volunteer role that I am excited about and that I think suits my abilities, really invigorates me and gives me a boost. It's amazing how one conversation, and one re-direction can re-ignite enthousiasm.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
No, that isn't your best colour
This morning as I was drinking my coffee and reading Proverbs, this verse popped off the page at me.
"An honest answer is a sign of true friendship". Proverbs 24:26 (TEV)
Does that ring true for anyone else?
I value my friends, each one of them, but there are some friends I know will give me a straight-up answer. Sure, at times they beat around the bush and try to find the gentlest way of saying it, but eventually they say what I need to hear. To be honest, I don't often ask people's opinions. I don't know what that is all about.... Sure I ask about how I should get my hair cut (to be precise, I ask multiple friends this approx every 8 weeks), I ask colleagues teaching questions, I ask my husband just about everything, but when it comes to the tough stuff, I tend to try to figure it out myself.
Here's an 'honesty' example. A colleague and I were chatting and the topic of clothing came up. I told her how excited I was to be making a girls trip to my hometown, and that I had even bought a new dress, in my absolute favorite colour - navy. She then proceeded to tell me how navy isn't my best colour. Can you say devastated! My favorite colour to wear for the past hundred years, and someone NOW tells me it isn't really 'my' colour!
Honest? Maybe.
A true friend - yes.
(I'd love to post a picture of me in that navy dress, but for *some* reason I don't like any of the pics of me in that dress.... ).
A better example of someone speaking truth to me was today after church. I told my friend how I had an upcoming meeting with someone on our church staff, and we would be chatting about where I was going to serve this year. (I have served for over 4 years in our children's ministry, but took this summer off to recuperate after my daughter had some medical issues and a hospital stay in June). My friend asked me how I would respond and gently prodded. I told her one area that I thought I would be interested in (which is not in children's ministry) and she reminded me that throughout this year I had given enough clues to her when chatting that it really is time for a change. I didn't ask this friend for her advice or her opinion, but a true friend speaks truth.
Sometimes we need the honest truth. If you are hearing from a friend to slow down, or maybe they suggest you are doing too much, or you need to look after yourself, chances are they are a true friend.
Do you have true friends that will give you an honest answer?
"An honest answer is a sign of true friendship". Proverbs 24:26 (TEV)
Does that ring true for anyone else?
I value my friends, each one of them, but there are some friends I know will give me a straight-up answer. Sure, at times they beat around the bush and try to find the gentlest way of saying it, but eventually they say what I need to hear. To be honest, I don't often ask people's opinions. I don't know what that is all about.... Sure I ask about how I should get my hair cut (to be precise, I ask multiple friends this approx every 8 weeks), I ask colleagues teaching questions, I ask my husband just about everything, but when it comes to the tough stuff, I tend to try to figure it out myself.
Here's an 'honesty' example. A colleague and I were chatting and the topic of clothing came up. I told her how excited I was to be making a girls trip to my hometown, and that I had even bought a new dress, in my absolute favorite colour - navy. She then proceeded to tell me how navy isn't my best colour. Can you say devastated! My favorite colour to wear for the past hundred years, and someone NOW tells me it isn't really 'my' colour!
Honest? Maybe.
A true friend - yes.
(I'd love to post a picture of me in that navy dress, but for *some* reason I don't like any of the pics of me in that dress.... ).
A better example of someone speaking truth to me was today after church. I told my friend how I had an upcoming meeting with someone on our church staff, and we would be chatting about where I was going to serve this year. (I have served for over 4 years in our children's ministry, but took this summer off to recuperate after my daughter had some medical issues and a hospital stay in June). My friend asked me how I would respond and gently prodded. I told her one area that I thought I would be interested in (which is not in children's ministry) and she reminded me that throughout this year I had given enough clues to her when chatting that it really is time for a change. I didn't ask this friend for her advice or her opinion, but a true friend speaks truth.
Sometimes we need the honest truth. If you are hearing from a friend to slow down, or maybe they suggest you are doing too much, or you need to look after yourself, chances are they are a true friend.
Do you have true friends that will give you an honest answer?
Friday, August 17, 2012
Keeping the mask off
My last post was so honest, it was tough to share it with anyone. It isn't my personality to be so vulnerable and open, I tend to keep most people at arms length (which is a whole other post). I am not sure why I decided to publish it, other than I think too many of us walk around wearing masks and only reveal small slivers of who we really are. What if we were all honest and vulnerable? Would we treat one another with greater care and be kinder? Exposing our weaknesses takes courage and strength. To admit you can't do it all alone and you need love and support - why is that so hard to do? I myself don't usually go to other people for that support, but I do rely on God. The other day I know He heard my anguish and fatigue and despair. God doesn't always answer our prayers in a big way (like sending me a nanny, or child shrink, or a bottle of white, or a double-double....) but I do believe God works in my life everyday, answering in His way, in His time. He did send me little blessings of respite. Here are some of the little ways:
- After the beach the kids were calmer and quieter.
- I was able to get to a pilates class. Having the hour away and doing something positive for my body was a mood-booster.
- My husband cleaned the kitchen so I didn't have to face the dishes after pilates
- The following day I had a call from a friend. Just chatting for a few minutes was a nice start to the day.
- The kids were at a half day camp, so having 3 hours to myself helped a lot. I read a few blogs, I went for a walk (it was supposed to be a run, but I won't beat myself up over that), I did groceries and bought a birthday gift for our niece. Not a big list of accomplishments, but they go so much quicker and calmer when I can do it solo.
- A good friend came over that afternoon with her two boys and we let the kids loose and we chatted. I was still feeling the drain from the day before, but good friends roll with it :)
- I had a few messages from 2 friends who were full of support.
Am I the only one who struggles with keeping the mask off? Do you show your weaknesses?
- After the beach the kids were calmer and quieter.
- I was able to get to a pilates class. Having the hour away and doing something positive for my body was a mood-booster.
- My husband cleaned the kitchen so I didn't have to face the dishes after pilates
- The following day I had a call from a friend. Just chatting for a few minutes was a nice start to the day.
- The kids were at a half day camp, so having 3 hours to myself helped a lot. I read a few blogs, I went for a walk (it was supposed to be a run, but I won't beat myself up over that), I did groceries and bought a birthday gift for our niece. Not a big list of accomplishments, but they go so much quicker and calmer when I can do it solo.
- A good friend came over that afternoon with her two boys and we let the kids loose and we chatted. I was still feeling the drain from the day before, but good friends roll with it :)
- I had a few messages from 2 friends who were full of support.
Am I the only one who struggles with keeping the mask off? Do you show your weaknesses?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Failing
Today has been exceptionally rough.
I won't go into detail, because the details never seem to matter much in the long run. It could be any day really, but some days hit me harder than others.
I brought my three to the beach this afternoon, and we had a friend of my daughters come as well. I set up the beach chair and angled it so I could watch the four play. I needed these few minutes of relative calm while the kids played. I let my head rest on the back of the chair, my face angled to the sky and poured my heart out to God. I wish I could say this was the first time I had prayed this type of prayer but the truth is God has heard my cries many times. I want to know how I can be so terrible at parenting. How could I get so much wrong, so often? Why did God give me such a challenging son? There are times I want to pretend he isn't mine, to turn my back on the playground and pretend I don't know who the mother is. I don't want to have to get up again, to intervene, apologize, explain, conjole, or fix another misunderstanding between kids. At times I wish I had a diagnosis for him. How sick and twisted is that? That a mother would WISH something was officially wrong with her son? It would ease the pain and embarrassement and the reality that there isn't anything wrong with him, but rather it is maybe me. Maybe I am just not a good parent. I can't keep the tears from falling. Failing as a mother I cry to God. Please hold me, whisper in my ear, tell me this will pass and that You will carry me through and give me strength.
I won't go into detail, because the details never seem to matter much in the long run. It could be any day really, but some days hit me harder than others.
I brought my three to the beach this afternoon, and we had a friend of my daughters come as well. I set up the beach chair and angled it so I could watch the four play. I needed these few minutes of relative calm while the kids played. I let my head rest on the back of the chair, my face angled to the sky and poured my heart out to God. I wish I could say this was the first time I had prayed this type of prayer but the truth is God has heard my cries many times. I want to know how I can be so terrible at parenting. How could I get so much wrong, so often? Why did God give me such a challenging son? There are times I want to pretend he isn't mine, to turn my back on the playground and pretend I don't know who the mother is. I don't want to have to get up again, to intervene, apologize, explain, conjole, or fix another misunderstanding between kids. At times I wish I had a diagnosis for him. How sick and twisted is that? That a mother would WISH something was officially wrong with her son? It would ease the pain and embarrassement and the reality that there isn't anything wrong with him, but rather it is maybe me. Maybe I am just not a good parent. I can't keep the tears from falling. Failing as a mother I cry to God. Please hold me, whisper in my ear, tell me this will pass and that You will carry me through and give me strength.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Hi, I'm not a blogger
A funny/odd title, I know, but I thought if I put it out there no one would feel obliged to tell me I am doing it all wrong :)
I LOVE blogs, in fact I am embarrased to say how much time I spend checking out my favorite ones. I can often be heard spouting off some news, ideas or inspirations, and I almost always preface it by saying I read it on a blog, or found out on Twitter.
So, if right off the bat I am saying I don't write or blog, why am I doing this? Memory. I used to love to journal and diary, although those diaries that came already dated where a huge stressor. I would start out dutifully and record my thoughts, feelings each and every day. Then, I'd miss a day, or two. Pretty soon the white spaces would stress me out and I would abandon the diary all together. Journalling was a better fit, and I do still have a number of journals I sometimes pick up, when time permits.
Ah, but the computer! I seem to be always close to one and I can record words much faster this way.
So, for HelloMornings, and whatever else seems to float my boat, I am going to try to record my thoughts, maybe some prayers and some questions. I hope to be able to read back, remember the feelings, and see how God has moved through circumstances and daily life.
Welcome to a transparent me. It likely won't be pretty, or well written, or fancy, but it will be honest!
I LOVE blogs, in fact I am embarrased to say how much time I spend checking out my favorite ones. I can often be heard spouting off some news, ideas or inspirations, and I almost always preface it by saying I read it on a blog, or found out on Twitter.
So, if right off the bat I am saying I don't write or blog, why am I doing this? Memory. I used to love to journal and diary, although those diaries that came already dated where a huge stressor. I would start out dutifully and record my thoughts, feelings each and every day. Then, I'd miss a day, or two. Pretty soon the white spaces would stress me out and I would abandon the diary all together. Journalling was a better fit, and I do still have a number of journals I sometimes pick up, when time permits.
Ah, but the computer! I seem to be always close to one and I can record words much faster this way.
So, for HelloMornings, and whatever else seems to float my boat, I am going to try to record my thoughts, maybe some prayers and some questions. I hope to be able to read back, remember the feelings, and see how God has moved through circumstances and daily life.
Welcome to a transparent me. It likely won't be pretty, or well written, or fancy, but it will be honest!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Why HelloMornings
It's a glorious morning and I feel calm and content, rested and relaxed. I am sitting on the rocks, a coffee to one side, my bible and a book on the other, and I wonder and wish every morning could start like this. What's the difference between this blissful morning and my 'typical' morning?
1) hubby is here and he is managing the kids
2) there is no schedule and no rush
How can I recreate this as best I can when life returns to normal? (meaning school & work re-commence)
Hopefully the HelloMornings challenge can help me create a new habit which will help our mornings as well as our day.
I've done the 'wake-up early' thing before. During Lent I woke up 40 minutes early for 40 days. It did make a difference many days to spend concentrated time in scripture and prayer. I also had a specific list of prayers for each day of the week. I enjoyed sharing with the kids some of my morning prayer topics and focus'.
I realise the HelloMornings challenge can't recreate a cottage morning in the sun, with a husband around in the mornings to manage the kids, but hopefully it will help me to create a rhythm in the mornings where I can focus on God, spend some time on myself and prepare for a smoother day when we are all home.
http://inspiredtoaction.com/hellomornings/
1) hubby is here and he is managing the kids
2) there is no schedule and no rush
How can I recreate this as best I can when life returns to normal? (meaning school & work re-commence)
Hopefully the HelloMornings challenge can help me create a new habit which will help our mornings as well as our day.
I've done the 'wake-up early' thing before. During Lent I woke up 40 minutes early for 40 days. It did make a difference many days to spend concentrated time in scripture and prayer. I also had a specific list of prayers for each day of the week. I enjoyed sharing with the kids some of my morning prayer topics and focus'.
I realise the HelloMornings challenge can't recreate a cottage morning in the sun, with a husband around in the mornings to manage the kids, but hopefully it will help me to create a rhythm in the mornings where I can focus on God, spend some time on myself and prepare for a smoother day when we are all home.
http://inspiredtoaction.com/hellomornings/
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
He provided
Here it is, the second last day of July and I recieved the best gift ever. The kids are at their grandparents, hubby is at work. I woke up with no alarm clock, no children fighting and no to-do list. It was such a gift. I enjoyed my coffee in quiet and spent some time reading another chapter of Proverbs. After a bit of time I got my run gear on, filled my water belt, got my post-run drink made and in the freezer. And out the door. I wasn't even off the driveway and I was so overcome with love and gratitude. The feeling was filling me, of how God has provided for me. He knew how much I needed this morning. A morning of solitude and quiet, a morning for me and Him. I have missed running so much, in fact I didn't realize how much I had missed it. The sun, the quiet roads, the country air. I feel so blessed to live where we do. This time this morning made me fall in love with my home and community. The peace and solitude of where we live. I usually listen to a podcast as I run/walk, but today I decided I would spend it all quietly, praying and listening. I didn't hear any responses from God, but I know His answer to me today was this morning of peace. Thank you Lord for loving me and for gifting me with this day.
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